Child custody battles involving teens present separating parents with a different set of concerns compared to younger children. In many ways a separation or divorce is harder on teens then younger children. Teens have questions about the break up and they need answers. It is appropriate to give your teen an age appropriate explanation of the break up. There is no need to go into details and they should be given reassurances that the break up was not their fault.
It is important to provide consistent rules between both households. Teens need structure and as you develop a parenting plan needs to be addresses. Curfews, acceptable dress, music, language, etc needs to be consistent from home to home.
Teens are at the age where they start to exert their independence. They may want to decide when they want to visit the other parent. They will want to spend time with their friends instead of visiting. These issues need to be addressed while maintaining the basic structure of the parenting agreement. Friends should be allowed and encouraged to visit at both houses. Parents need to resist using this stage of independence as a weapon against the other parent.
Teens are often involved in extracurricular activities. It is very important that both parents support the teen in these activities. Teens need to know that both parents support them in their activities and interests. Visitation does not need to be cancelled for these activities. The parent with visitation should be the one to take the teen to and pick them up after the event.
The teen years were a difficult time for me and my children. There were times when they did not want to visit and I did feel hurt. However, I made sure that they knew I loved them and supported them. I understood that they had friends and wanted to do things that teens do. Often times these things don’t include parents. Hopefully by the time your kids reach their teens you will have established a great relationship with them and they will still want you in their lives even as they start creating theirs.
The teen years are a time of rebellion. You should expect to encounter some resistance to the custody and visitation schedule. Teens will rebel against this just like they do about the other rules in their lives. You need to hang in there and stick to the plan. Don’t let your teen think that they can make changes to something that was ordered by the courts. This is just another phase of the child custody battle and it doesn’t necessarily take place in the courtroom.
Tags: child custody battle, teen parenting plans, teens and custody, teens and visitation